Was I Asking For It?

Not long ago, I was having a good time with a group of friends from out of town. The dance floor was crazy. That place was like shark infested waters. My friend and I were just hanging out, talking near the dance floor - you know, about the unrealistic expectations set for women by the yoga pants fad. Suddenly, two drunk white girls sprung out of nowhere and started twerking on us. They were cute too (well, mine was).

Twerking on me for most of the song, she started reaching back and grabbing man parts. It caught me off guard, because I never saw her hand - definitely felt it though.

After the fourth time, I was like "Hey wait a minute" - in my head though, because I didn't want to seem like a prude. She turned around to face me, grabbing my head in a vice-like grip. Like, if you fell off the roof of a building, but were able to grab a gargoyle on the way down, and hang with all your power and weigh - that's how she grabbed my face and head. There was so much power with her pulling forward and me pulling back that had I just stopped trying to resist, we would both have broken noses. 

She was persistent though. She tried to tippy-toe her way up, but I dodged left, then right (yes, back-to-back attempts). Then in this deep demonic voice, she says "Kiiiisssss meeee!!" I didn't though, and she looked at me with those big puppy dog eyes and went for a third attempt - dodged again (like The Matrix). 

When she asked if I had a girlfriend, I thought about lying for the sake of her self-esteem, but then I thought: I don't appreciate these undesired advances. When a woman says no, that means no. When a man says no, that means hell to the F no - mostly because it takes a whole lot for a man to say no.

When I saw a window to slide out, I did (another friend slid into my former place). So I may have looked backed a few times, reminiscing about what I had. I thought, maybe it was my fault - I did have these jeans on that cradle perfectly under my man parts, almost to say, "Would you like a cadbury egg?" But as I dipped into my funk, my guys reminded me that she wasn't shit. Then we danced in a circle. I know, you're coming to a my blog and wanting jokes (and you'll get your damn jokes you leeches! ;), but I kinda want to talk about this. It was weird, because if I were a female and that were a guy doing that...I mean, based on the wikipedia definition, that's sexual assault. 

Wikipedia definition:
"Sexual assault is any involuntary sexual act in which a person is coerced or physically forced to engage against their will, or any non-consensual sexual touching of a person. Sexual assault is a form of sexual violence, and it includes rape (such as forced vaginal, anal or oral penetration or drug facilitated sexual assault), groping, forced kissing, child sexual abuse, or the torture of the person in a sexual manner.^[1][2][3]"

Recently, President Obama spoke out during the 2015 Grammy's about sexual assault. I feel better knowing that the POTUS has my back. Thank you for all of your support!


All jokes aside,

DeJay Patson