Of Valentine's Day Blues, Charles Manson, and the Feel-Good Story of the Weekend.

I know what you're thinking.

Just kidding; I have no idea. But in case, just in case, you're thinking "We know Dejay; we sort of like Dejay (I mean, he is a bit much to take in at first, but his brand of funnies grows on ya); who the heck is this other guy?"

I am Crook. Wena Crook. That's all I'll say about me at this stage; judge me not by anything other than the foolery that I plan to spew upon this here Dejay Patson-provided platform.

So, let's make like we are finding the shortest way to your local branch of one of America's big four banks and...drumroll please... cut to the chase... (see what I did...oh maan, tough crowd today.)

But yea..the chase.

So, we're just coming out of Valentine's Weekend. I can approximate that there are three or four overarching sentiments that folks are carrying after the past 48-72 Hallmark and arrow-wielding baby-inspired hours:

1) 'Tis so glamorous to feel so amorous! Yay us!

2) Yo, the weekend was rough on a boy's wallet. And after all that, she hit me with the "You're nice guy. I hope to one day meet a guy like you..." 

3) Thank heavens that's done with! I couldn't take another day of seeing these coupled folks flaunting their quote unquote love all over social media. Hey Salvador, quit it with the Edible Arrangements: he/she is cheating on you, and everybody knows! 

4) 'Alas, yet another February 14th, and I'm still on my lonesome. What's wrong with me? I shower twice a day, watch Scandal and Walking Dead now and then to keep up on conversations, and walk a safe middle ground in my political posts on social media (Every #BlackLivesMatter strategically followed with a 'Love me a man in uniform' post within the hour- you don't wanna piss anyone off too much.) Seems like everyone who hollas just wants me for my body! Like I'm a piece of meat. Hell, even serial killer Charles Manson is engaged to a decent looking woman; and his heinous self has been on death row for decades. Is this what it has come to? Is Charles Manson winning at life more than I am?"

Congrats to #1 and better luck to #2. #3, yes we are annoyed by it too, and yep, she is totes cheating on Salvador (Sal? Sally? hmmm), but get over yourself; none of your beeswax. 

It's #4 I'm here to talk to though. Yes you. Pucker up soldier; all hope is not lost.

Charles Manson is NOT DOING better than you. Turns out, he just broke up with his fiancee- just before Valentine's no less! The reason? He found out the only reason she wanted to marry him was so she could gain control of his remains after he died; display them in a glass crypt, and hopefully make a killi...well, make a lot of money from people coming to see ol' Charlie ol pal in eternal slumber.

So there it is. The love that made you feel like you were losing is no more. Manson is not doing better than you. Hooray! Like, She literally wanted him for his body; and not in the nice way that people want you for yours.

Keep your head up. You're still in with a chance. I know of at least one man and woman who are single after this weekend; go get em.

#WenaCrookisRootingforYou

February 12th - My 5 Year Comedy Anniversary (kinda)

There I was just checking out some throwback posts using this mobile app and it hit me; 5 years ago today, I performed my first stand-up comedy routine at Grand Valley State University - in their campus version of Last Comic Standing. Well, damn. That was an interesting time and experience, so I thought I'd tell you about it (whether you care or not won't stop me from writing it ;). Since then, I haven't done comedy consistently. Like I mentioned in the very first blog post, I hit the stage here and there under various names (including my real one), traveled the nation with a college gameshow, and only kicked off the DeJay Patson brand in January 2014. So truthfully, DeJay Patson is technically only a year old (extra complicated, right?), but it has been 5 years since that first performance, which made me realize this could even be a thing. That first one was the gateway drug.

Well, as mentioned in my first post, comedy was always something I wanted to do. I saw an opportunity to step up to the plate and took it. You actually had to audition for this competition though, because unlike other competitions, they have no idea whether you do comedy or you're just going to get up and say some crazy shit (...or read religious text for 10 minutes straight - I've seen that at an open mic).

I was pacing outside the door to the audition room, waiting for my turn. A friend of mine walked by and saw me waiting. I hadn't told any of my friends I was going to try out, and I had no intentions to invite any friends if I advanced (the performance would be considered 'semi-finals'). It was just something personal I was doing, a challenge to myself.

My friend decided he was going to give it a shot too. He's a fairly witty guy, so why not? I went in first, did my bit. I got a few decent laughs, but I had no idea what to expect. At the end, there was a comment made by one of the judges about them trying not to laugh as much, so they don't show bias. Which I thought was weird. They told me they'd be in contact.

My friend went in next, and I waited for him. He hit them with witty one liner after one liner. The laughter was back to back, and my set didn't even compare.

I got an email a couple days later saying I didn't advance, but he got an email saying he did. The most messed up part was that my friend couldn't even make the event because of other obligations, so he emailed them, saying he had to decline. Now, it gets worse, because I got a second email saying that someone dropped out and they'd like me to perform in the event. Ain't that some shit?

Anyway, I didn't do too bad. I had no idea how to hold a microphone. I remember feeling so awkward on stage, but once I got into my groove, it was like smooth sailing. I wrote jokes on my palm because I thought an index card might be distracting - totally a better idea to stare at my sweaty and unintelligible palm, right? I got some good pops. I went over my time, and only realized because of a blonde to my far left, violently shaking a sign that read "Time's up!" I didn't even finish my joke. I wish I could tell you what it was about, but I don't even remember. 

I did not advance. It was good to be a part of the event though, and give comedy a shot. I performed at my first real comedy club that following month at Dr. Grins in Grand Rapids, MI. I think I've gotten a lot better, but I'll let you all decide that. 

I will be sticking with DeJay Patson as my stage name though. Recently, I purchased the www.dejaypatson.com domain, because I don't know when someone else will try to come along using the same name (if ever). It just redirects visitors to the blog for now, but in the future, it'll be a full-fledged site - no telling when though. It could be this summer, or it could be 2 years from now. I do most things on a rolling deadline. Now I can put a website on the business cards and build more promo - and that's what it's all about really. Like I've said before, I'm not scaling back for the sake of egos. There are comedians out there that are way better than me, and have been doing it consistently for years. I'm just doing what's best for me, so I'm out here on all platforms. I won't be selling any merchandise, but I will be building my name more; working open mics, competitions, and larger events. 

Next month, I'll be hosting GVSU's LipSync events with about 2,000 students in attendance. It's sure to be a good time - had a great time doing it in the Fall. Thanks for all your support, and knowing how to read.

All jokes aside,

DeJay Patson

Funniest Person In Grand Rapids Comedy Competition 2015

I was so excited for this performance. And by excited, I mean losing my f**king mind. The scariest thing I've ever done, is everything the first time. Granted, I'm not new to comedy, but I'm new to competitions. Also, it was a sold out crowd, and many of my friends couldn't come in because they were packed by the time the show started. (yeah, they showed up late, or right at the start of the show, but I won't fault them for that. I appreciate the effort! haha.)

I went to the venue with a brand new set and no intention to win; I just wanted to be up there with the cool kids - see if I could hang. Then I went through several days of not wanting to be up there (but they had my $40 deposit, sooo...). I pretty much wrote my set the week of the competition - which was on Wednesday, so do the math.

Prior to the show, several experienced performers (friends and associates) told me using the brand new stuff was a bad idea, because it wasn't refined. I completely understood. That's why I was stressing so much. I didn't wanna do the older stuff, but I had actually scrambled in a back room to remember my older routines from the summer. I even went over some performance videos, but there wasn't a lot of time. The new set wasn't refined at all, and you could tell. Some things I said weren't jokes at all, yet. I still said them though, just to see if I'd come up with anything on the fly.

It was all around bad on my end, but I came out swinging nonetheless. And rocked it. -- Well, I was told that I rocked it. I mean, 7-8/10 is pretty good, right? Imagine what the set will do once I refine it! I didn't win though. Sorry if I got your hopes up. There were some really funny comedians there. The best part was getting this highlight video out of it. I honestly just wanted a 3 minute highlight video of the whole thing...because 3 minutes is about all people will watch on YouTube really.

I make a reference to the comedian that was up before me in the beginning. People didn't really start laughing until I made that reference, and then I just rode that wave for the rest of the set. Also, there's a part where I say 'Dick-capitation' which is a reference to an earlier comedian's set - it just so happened to work with my set. Double also, I made other references to earlier material; if the audience is laughing and you feel like you don't get it, it's probably a reference. 

So it's not often you get to hear about doctors, high school sex ed, dating woes, and my opinions on the use of marijuana - yet there it is. In one poorly crafted set. Got good pops though. :D

Let me know what you guys think. Thanks for the support!!

All jokes aside,

DeJay Patson