The 8th Place and Winning Rant

I was recently recognized for this leadership thing - and well, there was a speaker their talking about leadership and what it takes to be a good leader. Looking down at my phone, I could see a text that read, "Who the f**k is this guy?" and I shared those sentiments. For at least fifteen minutes, this guy talked around what it took to be a leader, only to end on, "I'm not really sure what makes a leader." The silence of the crowd was deafening, particularly when he was then awarded for his leadership after the speech. I'm sure there are many other times in his life where he had shown leadership, otherwise he wouldn't have been asked to speak, but it wasn't exhibited on this day. Good guy. Bad speech. I think someone should've called an audible on that decision. This post is not about that guy, but that instance serves as a catalyst for this rant.

Why, the f**k, do we have 8th place winners in life? I don't think everyone deserves to walk away with a trophy. That little fat kid that couldn't make the final stretch in track and field SHOULD feel bad for losing. Failing is a part of success. People become better from failing. That might be the thing that pushes him to get healthy and become motivation for others. I'm not saying we roast the little piggy on twitter and give him a complex - I just think we need to feel some type of way about underperforming and want to be a better version of ourselves. But for the love of all things sugar coated, don't give that boy a damn trophy for last place!!

We cultivate laziness telling everyone they're doing a good job when they're just doing the minimum work and pretending it's maximum effort. Don't let Fatty McFats be complacent. Where's that going to lead him in the future? A news reel of him being airlifted out of his mom's attic at 35 maybe. 

Now I haven't done any research on this. I just know some very unproductive and stupid people that feel entitled to the world. And every day I think of punch them in the throat. We're not even around eachother like that. It just comes across my mind when I'm eating oatmeal like "If I could just press a button..." and let's stop there, because I don't want to spend the rest of this post defending that kind of capital punishment. But they're having kids, people! Can't we hve some kind of test to see if they're going to make decent fucking parents? So we don't have to read about another toddler being chucked over a bridge? The test wouldn't even have to be that difficult - just basic questions that they might ask in an interview - "Can you tell us of a time w
hen you had to overcome an obstacle, and how you dealt with that?" Just to give us some insight on how they'll deal with screaming little versions of theirselves. Because honestly, I can't deal with annoying big versions of themselves. Is a purge such a bad idea? Think about it.

moronic and unproductive members of society though. I don't mind my taxes going to people that need welfare for some hardships or special circumstance, but not for a some fat lazy kid to get an Xbox or your Netflix account. Let him work two summers, and bike there. Back and forth. Get him on a regimen. Buy him a hamster and make him take care of it, so he learns some compassion and the work that goes into maintaining...anything. And I hope it bites him. Because life, f**king, bites you. If he chucks the hamster back into the cage, maybe it's time for a trip to the bridge. We have enough sociopaths and psychos in this world without fat Hitler.

Ah, don't make that face. If you're kid is the fat kid, you better give him some more fruits and veggies to offset those early signs of diabetes. That whole 'Eat Pasta, Run Fasta' was just some bullshit propaganda to get you buying Spaghetti-O's.

I was a fat kid too. Yeahhh, I was chunky. I kinda blame my mom though. We didn't have a lot of money so whenever she bought me clothes, it was stuff she said I'd have to grow into. "This shirt's too big."..."You'll grow into it." Unconsciously, I guess I didn't want to let her down. I almost died once, because she used the same logic buying a life jacket. My head slipped right through and I swallowed a bunch of pool water. My cousin had to dive in after me. It wasn't a well thought out plan. No trophy for mom on that one.

Look, I'm guilty too, but I sure as hell don't expect a pat on the back for my laziness. When I slip up, I'm hard on myself. Hell, when I do a good job at something, I still critique myself. How can you put the best product out if you don't assess your efforts?

I've heard people say that if you work hard, you'll be successful. I full-heartedly agree with that. I come from a mostly blue collar family, so I've seen them work hard. I've seen it, a lot - just never learned it. At least not at the level I've seen some people perform - never really gained that work ethic. I have friends that have it. They wake up everyday at 6am and go to the gym, BEFORE WORK. You know what I do before work? Get dressed. You're lucky I have pants. I just don't have that same concept of time. Those people are very efficient with their time. It's amazing to watch. They have planners, and sticky notes, and routine. God aweful routine - it kills my soul.

I've dated girls and find myself in awe of their whole morning routine - it just amazes me. The time spent on makeup and getting ready, it's just astonishing. I would never wear makeup if I was a female. I'm not trying to find a baby daddy - who gives a shit? I'm just not that efficient. I recognize this. I'm trying to work on it - I just haven't gotten around to it yet.

The other thing is that there's always someone better too. No matter how hard you work, someone else can do a better job at whatever it is. Your job, your spouse, your favorite recreational activity can all be done better by someone in the world other than you. There are smarter people. There are people with nicer cars. There are more attractive people. You okay with that? I am. I get it. Doesn't bother me at all. I'm not complacent though, I just don't compete with others and I accept things for what they are.

You ever see someone with a car nicer than your own? Do you get jealous? Maybe it's the newer model of the same car you have and there weren't many changes, but still...just that fact that it's newer gets to you. There will always be a nicer car than yours. I don't care much about my material possessions, but I figured this concept was pretty common. Personally, I find it kinda liberating...because it doesn't matter what level you're at, your status, or what material possessions you have. The only thing that really matters is that you keep trying to do or be better.

I do compete with myself though. I try to learn something new every day. Also, to complement that, about 12 times a day, I tell myself some variation of "You're f**king stupid." That's my regimen. It's not out of nowhere - I mean it's for saying or doing something stupid. And 12 times is actually kinda conservative. I'm not saying it just because I chose the wrong socks, but I'd own up to it if I did. That's more an echo of my mother's words through my adolescence.

A lot of parents think their kid is the best. You ever talk to people about their kids? "You see that drawing? My kid is a genius!" He's 2, and I'm pretty sure that's smeared crap at your wall. Do we really know that early if he's a genius? Everyone says it. What are you comparing to? Other babies? Let's get ten of them in a room with one giant tub of Lego blocks, judge them on a point system. If Jimmy builds a rocket, that's a ten pointer, but he's spent the last 20 minutes making a wall of just the blue blocks. Really, what are we comparing their genius to? My dog sometimes wipes her ass on the carpet, but I don't run around "see the mural my dog did? practically an interior decorator!" If you're kid sucks, own up to it. You're not doing them any favors, and you're gonna perpetuate this culture of half-ass-ery further. I'm sick of people f**king up my fast food orders. I got one item, and you reccomended it - how do you eff that up? No trophy.

I hope somebody reads this and comments: "Who the f**k is this guy?" That to me would be better than any trophy in the world. ;)

All jokes aside,

DeJay Patson